5/19/24

I NEED TO GET BETTER AT HTML. I'M TRANS NOW HI

5/21/24

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT DOING SO MUCH. I STARTED MEDS SINCE I LAST REALLY POSTED HERE, ISN'T THAT NEAT? I SHOULD PROBABLY APOLOGIZE TO YOU. OKAY, YOU PROBABLY DON'T WHO YOU ARE, BUT THAT'S OKAY. I'M THINKING A LOT ABOUT HOW MUCH I'VE CHANGED RECENTLY, FOR THE BETTER OR FOR THE WORSE. I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS WEBSITE, NOR DO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MOST OF MY HOBBY PROJECTS I HAVE FAILED TO WORK ON. 24OZ OF BEER IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO EVER HAVE. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMEDAY, OR DON'T, IT'S UP TO YOU. I'M KINDA FORGETTING WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT HERE AND WILL PROBABLY NUKE MY PAGE SOON OR OVERHAUL IT

5/23/24

IT KINDA SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO MANUALLY REWRITE EVERYTHING HERE AFTER MAKING AN UPDATE. ANYWAY, NEW WINDOWS, WOW. THIS DIDN'T TAKE THAT LONG TO MAKE, WELL, TO PORT OVER FROM MY ACTUAL WEBSITE (NOT ONLINE RIGHT NOW). A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE DONE THE SAME THING, SO THIS ISN'T REALLY THAT ORIGINAL, BUT I DON'T MIND. I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THIS. THERE'S A LOT I HAVE PLANNED, LIKE MOVEABLE WINDOWS AND USING A FILE SYSTEM OR TERMINAL TO READ THESE BLOG ENTRIES. THAT MIGHT TAKE UP A LOT OF TIME THOUGH LOL, AND I REALLY AM STARTING TO GET TIRED OF HAVING TO USE UP MORE TIME. I ADDED A WARNING TO THE PAGE BECAUSE I THINK I MIGHT SLIP UP IN THESE UPDATE POSTS AND TALK ABOUT SOME DEEP TOPICS, BUT I HEY, THIS IS JUST THE INTERNET, I CAN SAY PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE WITHOUT PEOPLE I KNOW IN REAL LIFE KNOWING WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE. I HOPE YOU RANDOM STRANGERS ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS YOU DO, I MEAN, WHO WOULDN'T? YOU GET TO SEE A MENTALLY ILL BUNNY TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH IT WANTS TO ████ ITSELF, ISN'T THAT NEAT? ANYWAY, BACK TO THE MAIN DISCUSSION. THIS WEBSITE WILL BE UPDATED THIS TIME. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO PORT SOMETHING TO MY MAIN ONE TO ACT AS SOMETHING I CAN PUT IN MY PORTFOLIO FOR COLLEGE, OR ELSE I'LL PROBABLY END UP HOMELESS LIKE MOST COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJORS, LOL. REALISTICALLY SPEAKING, EVEN IF MY DEGREE ENDS UP WORTHLESS, I'D STILL MAKE AN EFFORT TO LIVE, MAINLY BECAUSE MY CATS WOULD MISS ME. GOODBYE FOR TO DAY, I'LL SEE YOU EVENTUALLY.

5/27/2024

I HONESTLY THINK THIS WEBSITE COULD SAVE ME. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT A LOT OF NEGATIVE STUFF AGAIN, A LOT OF IT BEING THE FACT THAT I DON'T REALLY LIKE MUCH ANYMORE, BUT HEY, SUCH IS LIFE. I THINK IM STARTING TO SCARE THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME MORE THAN I HAVE IN THE PAST. IT'S KINDA SAD TO REALIZE I HAVEN'T GOTTEN BETTER SINCE THE TIME I DID TRY. I HAVEN'T TRIED SINCE THEN, BUT I THINK IT'S GETTING HARDER NOT TO. I HAVE BEEN TESTING NEW IDEAS FOR THE WEBSITE THOUGH. WORKING ON IT BIT BY BIT, EVEN IF IT REALLY ISN'T HELPING MY MENTAL STATE TRYING TO CRAM SO MUCH INTO MY FREE TIME, LOL. THIS WILL EVENTUALLY BE IT THOUGH, I THINK IT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK, BUT THIS COULD REALLY BE IT. FOR ONCE. I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU'LL LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO, OR AT LEAST TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL. UNTIL THEN, I WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO WISH YOU THE BEST, EVEN THOUGH WE STILL TALK, LOL. WHATEVER, WEBSITE SHIT SOON. I HATE JUST WRITTING NEW PARAGRAPHS LIKE THIS, IT'S MESSY AND BORING. DYNAMIC SYSTEM IN THE WORKS. PROBABLY SOME FUNKY JSON AND LOADING TEXT FROM FILES AND PARSING EVERYTHING. OKAY, SEE YOU LATER, HOPEFULLY.

9/16/24

I DIDN'T WORK ON IT LOL. STARTED ████-███████ AGAIN. I'M ON NEW MEDS NOW THOUGH. HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL.

9/25/24

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WISH I COULD HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO FINISH THE STUFF I START. THIS IS ABOUT THE FIFTH TIME I'VE TRIED WORKING ON ANY WEBSITE. I THINK IT JUST ISN'T FOR ME, HELL, I DON'T THINK I HAVE MUCH THAT I ENJOY FROM START TO FINISH THAT ISNT A GAME. DO YOU EVER LOOK UP AT THE SKY AND THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE THINKING WHAT YOU ARE IN THAT VERY MOMENT? I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT THAT A LOT. SOMEONE IS THINKING THE SAME THING I AM RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE RIGHT NOW IS TYPING AWAY AT THEIR COMPUTER THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW, AND WE WILL PROBABLY NEVER MEET. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, WHICH I DOUBT ANYONE IS, I WISH YOU WELL. LATELY, I HAVE BEEN WORRYING MYSELF. I THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT OUT OF ANYTHING. I WANT SOMETHING, SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME COMPLETE, OR CONTENT. I STILL WISH IT WAS EASIER TO FORGET SOMETHINGS. I THINK IF I COULD FORGET PARTS OF MY LIFE, I WOULD. AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, I KNOW TAKING THOSE THINGS OUT OF MY MIND WOULD CHANGE THE PERSON I AM MORE THAN I CAN IMAGINE. THIS IS A PART OF ME I HAVE TO LIVE WITH, A PART OF ME I CAN NEVER FULLY GET RID OF, ALL THANKS TO VERY SMALL EVENTS THAT JUST CHANGE YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO ANY OF THIS. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WANTED TO WORK ON ANOTHER PROJECT, I DON'T KNOW WHY I TYPE IN ALL CAPS, MAYBE IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL MORE, I DON'T KNOW, SEPERATED FROM MYSELF I THINK. THERE'S SO MANY PARTS OF MYSELF I WISH I COULD RIP OUT. THERE'S BEEN MOMENTS WHERE I'VE BEEN SO CLOSE TO GETTING WHAT I'VE WANTED FOR THE LONGEST TIME, AND THEN THE PARTS OF MYSELF I WISH WOULD GO AWAY GET RID OF ANY CHANCE I HAD. I HOPE YOU, DEAR READER, HAVE SOME HOPE FOR YOURSELF. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE I HAVE VERY LITTLE HOPE FOR MYSELF, BUT THERE STILL IS A PART HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING, AND I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY. I'M SCARED. BUT HEY, WHO ISN'T? I SHOULD GO TRY AND EAT, I JUST SAW SOMETHING MAKING ME FEEL ANGRY, HAHAHA. UNTIL NEXT TIME.